ritsuka89

我。。没有办法让自己不爱你。没办法让自己不去想你。。
多么希望当时我没遇见你，这样我也不会动了心。也不会伤害了自己的心。
我为什么还爱你，为什么好想着你。。
我。。不是已经答应了要放手，要把你给忘记。

我们已经分开了。你也有了新的爱人。。为什么还叫我想着你？为什么还叫我要继续爱着你？
你。。是还爱着我，还是你只不过想让我跟痛苦一些些？
我被你的爱搞得好乱。。我一分不清什么是爱情什么是游戏。
但我很清楚我的心还是有你，还是爱着你。这是我无法改变的事实。
但同时我也不知道你到底是爱我的，还是只想我痛苦。
就请你把你心里的话告诉我。。让我好过一些些。

我们分手已经快一个星期了。。我们都好像还忘不掉彼此。
好像问你到底是什么原因让你能这么狠心地把握丢在这里。
我为什么还在这发呆？
是你让我变成了今天这个懂得爱一个人，珍惜一个人的一个人。
以前的我，不知道什么是爱。不懂得这么去珍惜在我身边的每一个人。。
但现在我明白了这一切，你却要离我而去。
我的新一只告诉我，我还爱着你。是永永远远的爱而不是大家所说的小孩的天真。
我是不是真的爱一个人，只有我还有我的新最清楚。
没人能够比我跟了解我自己。没人能取代你在我心中的地位。

"marmiee","nu er"
你们说过我为了他而改变了很多。。我只知道我爱他但我不知道我在不知不觉中改变了这么多。



我希望我能挽救这段感情。但这一次，我会好好地去爱你。好好地珍惜你。我不会再放开双手，因为我知道你就是我生命中的那个人。。没有了你在身边，那其他的都是多余。。

傻子才以为 开始的特别 结束就会完美。
你在我耳边 说过的话 变得遥远。
我听见的周围 遍满你们对我不利的留言。
我心中很胆绝* 却无能为力看爱被他偷却*。

我奢求多一天 能保留你在身边。
还以为能将你挽回。。 当你说了不要再见， 亲爱的我是傻了眼。
我的心 到地离你有多远。
难道真的煤油设么让你留恋，我多嫉妒他让你坚决。。我们的永远 你一看不见。
怎么会不见，你让我手无寸铁。
如果能到留时间，我会。。我会。。我会。。再回到从前 再见你一面。
至少能够让我说声再见。。再抱你一边，然后就让你自由地去飞。
就不再想念， 就不再想念。。。。

傻子才以为 开始的特别 结局就会完美。
心说变就变，所有回忆变得遥远。。。
我奢求多一天 能保留你在身边。
还以为 他一厢情愿。
当你说了不要再见，多希望我能听不见。。

我们的永远就这样被你忘掉。。一点也不甚。
我。。会让你自由去飞。 也不会再去想你。
放下后，我们就各自自由了。。不会再有悲伤，不会在留恋。。
从今以后，你自由了。。
不会有我在你身边，也不会有我把你叫醒。。
你要好好的照顾自己。。我是多么不容易才放手的。。

这咖啡 清晨里依旧冒着烟。
这光线 给人在开始的幻觉。
在唇边 我来不及说的再见。
不能改变 像你更浓烈的我。

当明天 永远都不会再出现。
我心愿 悬在半空里面。
相距绝 相信这真的是句点。
现实面前 无从辩解的我。

我的手臂 应该抱你在紧一点。
烙印你的脸，收回的这机会。
才发现 对你吝啬得可怜。
一瞬间 我给你的爱 遗憾的只有欠缺。

我的眼泪 应该为你一次发泄，记住这感觉。
陪我到终点 我不想它退欠，刻在脑里面。
四年是我唯一的安慰。

当今天 不保证还有明天。
人多么卑微却遍遍说永远。
该多说几遍对你的爱和感谢 还有抱歉。
就算 我爱你不会变。
可是你再开不见。。

听回忆呼吸，长达一世纪。
脑海中都是你， 冷飕飕城市像无声的电影。
让孤单教我演戏。。。

幻想我可以把时间到回去
那时候 我们才相遇。
也许我没搭上爱情的时光器。
可是我永远不会忘记。

爱你第一个原因 就是你的安静。
你就是那么特别那么唯一。。
虽然你像一朵云飞出了我的记忆。。我爱你别忘记！
我思念这段过去 没有人可以代替
记得我爱你每个原因。
别管我了不了解永远着一个谜语。
从今天到以后我心中有你。。 永不忘记

我们或许从一开始就不应该在一起。
你。。还是无法忘记她。口口声声说你爱我但你心里却有着另一个人，你要我这么去相信你。
我一直在心里对自己说你不是那种人，我急需的催眠自己让自己相信你让自己不会被上害。
但是我自尧一旦开始催眠我自己痛苦就会根深一些。

我。。会开始慢慢的习惯没有你在身边的日子。
你现在在那你一不重要，应为你已不再爱我。别擦去这最美好的过去，我们相爱过的记忆。
也许忘记你的日子会好过一点，我就在这里放开双手。一旦放开就再也不会握着你的手了。
谢谢你对我的好也谢谢你对我的坏，我会把他们好好地放在心底。
我们就这样结束了，我再也不会回头了再也不会为你而掉泪。

或许放下这段感情后会有一个比你还爱我的人出现在我身边。我会使着去相信下一段感情。
但或许我放不下这段感情，会永远永远的被困扰着。如果你是真心的爱我就请你在我还没放开手之前拉着我的手
但也许我的好早就被你都忘掉。

你离开我以后是否很幸福。 我忘不了也得不到，这痛苦也太清楚。
Where are u now 现在过得好不好。
我希望我们仍让是朋友。我不会在逃避你，也希望你能够。
再见了。我会牢牢的记住你给我的一切。

我会好好过，等你在爱我。 怎样的笑容才让你想起我。

Lol. me and boiboi break afew days den patch lerhx.
At 1st, when we break off. i saw him but i didnt talk to him at all.
I dun even wan to look at him or say a single word to him.
But den, he tell everyone things. i feel tat they are plannin somethin.
Suddenly he ask linda mummy to help him buy things.
mummy ask me folo den i folo lorhx. he also folo.

Den we went to a blk there slack.
At 1st i was sittin and talkin with mummy.
den boiboi went to the my back say there more coolin. lolz.
but i noe somethins wrong. cux mummy and the walk away.
i didnt wan to sit alone with him so i walk down the staircase and walk away.
He chase up from behind..boiboi say he got things wan to say to me.
it was a deadend infront. so i turn back and walk away.

den he grab my hand and ask to patch.
I didnt agree rite den. i had start to let go and suddenly u pull me back.
i didnt reply him and continue walkin till i saw mummy.
Pull mummy down the stair with me. wanted to talk to her.
but before i even start to open my mouth and speak a word.
Tears drop down..

linda mummy tot somethin wasn't rite. she shout for boiboi.
Boiboi rush down the stairs to see wad happen.
mummy tell boiboi."Er zi, i ned help here."(pointin at me)
boiboi came to me. jus den, more tears drop down.
i cant stop them..boiboi hold on tightly to me. [i felt more sad den]
{from my mind, i was thinkin. u given me at all the sudden. now u wan me to go back to u so sudden.im a human who contain bloods contains feelings.}
for the 2hrs there. i've been cryin in boibois arms.
he was worried. but i jus didnt wan to say a word. so he can onli silently bao hu zhe wo.

After all tat happen. the few days after tat. we've plan to let go of each other.
but we cant. we still miss each other. we'll still get worry, angry and sad of things tat happen to the other part of us.
infront of ourself. we dun show them out. but jus by msg.
I guess, tat's the onli way he could talk to me.
cux i didnt speak to him a single word..
Now, everythin is clear. we really cant let go.
so we are here tgt again.

Hope tat we could really understand the true meanin of luv.
how important we are to each other.
and forever lastin long. this are jus wishes.
I guess, i can onli try my best to let them come true.

yi shiuan. u'll also have to make up ur mind.
no matter who is it. we wouldnt side anyone but we are all fredz no matter wad.
if there's anythin tat u really cant decide on ur own jus tell us.
I dun wish to see u in the same mess tat im in few dayys ago.
U'll regret till tat day comes. make things clear now..

Everything ended lerhx.
me and piggy break lerhx.
We had quarrels again and again. but i guess it's becux we dun understand each other bahx.
He say tat i'de hide things from him. but i dun think i have.
i asked for chance of forgivin. he wouldn't reply.
Guess, i shall leave it to an end.

linda mummy asked me to let go, i've said i'll try.
but i hadn't. onli till now. this momment.
i'm clearing everything out. not being together doesn't means tat we aren't fredz.
i guess, sometimes all of us thinks in the wrong way of things from the beggingin bahx.
Linda mummy, thx for ur comments. i'll take them in.
seens everyone say it's not worth it.
den i shall let go.
It wasn't easy to make this choice but, if it's realy good for me.
den why not. shaun care bear. thx for ur carin too.
i noe tat u are worried tat time when u saw me cryin.
but i'm okies lerhx. we have to accept things anyways.

Really happy tat i noe so much caring ppl tat i dun really hav last time.
i loves all my gans family! u guys rox!
hahax. but for pigpig. hope tat he'll think clearly of wad he wan his life to be one day.
if he wanna continue like this, he'll never find his true love.
u'll miss it pigpig. trust me.

And also, yanxian. R.I.P. okies.
even thou none of us noe where are u now.
but we hope u have a better life when u reborn to this world.
i didnt go ur ur funeral not really call funeral.
but. we'll all prey for u, takecare yanxian.
Hope tat u'll live happily in ur next reborn de shi kong.

Gods will prey for u. u aren't suppose to go now derhx.
but we cant change the fact tat ur're gone.
Amen and orh mi tuo fuo to u...

we should really treasure everythin now.
Nobody noe when will they vanish from this world.
maybe the next second, ur gone.
Dun take things for graunted. i finally noe wad this means.
every minuted every second everything u have. treasure them.
spend them wisely with ur freds and family.
dun waste them on sleepin or doing nth.
Nth can be turn back when ur're gone from this world.
T.O.R.

today went out with pigpig dear, yi shiuan, yi jie, li yan, johnny, joshua, ruilin, shaun.
we went old woodlands walk walk.
i saw alot of psp and phone i wan de lorhx.
but haven june holiday cant work no $. sianx diao.

We walk half way, they saw double colour skinny.
they wanna buy, but it looks sucks to me lor.
den they went see blet and alot thingys.
There got piercin shop lor!
lips is 3 bucks, tougue is 5 bucks, and belly is 15 bucks.
i wan pierce bully de lorhx.But pigpig dun let.
hia. shaun say wan pierce tougue but he scare pain.
We jiu ask him dun pierce lorhx. if not he cant tahan the pain will faint de.

He also listen to us no pierce.
hahax. go there like shuang shuang onli lorhx.
siao one all of us. lolx.
we saw one guy he pierce the ear, den the earrin so big like the ear wan drop.
so disgustin lorhx. somemore tat guy went the shop to pierce nose.
siao derhx. pierce till like whole face is hole nice mehx.
dunno how to think de lehx.

After tat we went eat lorhx.but dunno wanna eat wad.
den we sit there think think. i eat the slowest de lehx.
everyone go outside liaox onli left me still eatin.
heng yi shiuan good sister, pei me till the end.
pigpig dear never pei me!!!

Went back sp again...go there play play. lolx.
nth to play lorhx.play basketball score 151 nia.
today da de not good. hia.
got 1 time score 200 lorhx. but den no strengh continue jiu giv up.
hahaz.
hia. went home at 8+ but miss the bus den wait till 9+ den can go.
sianx.

yi shiuan arhx. dun always at there arhm choii lehx.
wad thingy so funny tell me mahx.
but horhx, i feel like u talkin abt me and pigpig lehx.
hahax. ur babe today so emo. after tat smile le.
dunno wad happen to him.
SO tired. go sleep liaox.
*yawns*

Have so much fun now adays with
Roy(pigpig dear™), yi shiuan(piggy), yi jie, nic, amanda, li yan, li ying, chen xiang, yong shen, johnny, joshua, ruilin, shawn, jason and other ppl.
too many lerhx.

but it's really alot of fun lehx.
hahaz. me, yi shiuan, nic and yong shen went to eat donut at munchy donut ytd.
so yummy! yi shiuan treat de larhx.
nic nic never eat, yong shen also.
after tat we went sp arcade to find pigpig dear.
den went slack.

Very late go home, not really late lor.
7plus nia! den daddy and mummy call to kao bei liaox.
aiyo. i so big liaox wouldnt anyhow run de larhx.
my short sad story end lerhx.
have nth to continue lerhx.
I've find myself another job to do.
To think abt meanin full quotes.
hahaz. xing yang read lerhx say so meanin full.

I had a quarrel with pigpig dear fews days ago.
cux i say dun wan care him lerhx. den he tot i say wan brk.
he so shock den like angry.
i tat time didnt noe he was thinkin tat way.
den so sad, i cry le. the onli time tat i cried so badly.
until my eyes swallon. no sleep.

But in the end, i msg him and tell him wad i mean by tat.
den when we understand each other style.
no really quarrel lerhx.
And den, 2 days ago i beat pigpig dear.
he angry dun wan talk to me. i sad sad walk away cry again.
everything solve again!
lolx. luves is complicated lorhx. but with him i'm happy.

Although he sometimes bad mood den i can't tahan larhx.
but he got reason de. so i dun blame him.

yi shiuan and nic nic didi got quarrel also.
aiyo. dunno how to say larhx.
but, nic nic... u abit xiao hai zi qi lerhx larhx.
yi shiuan also didnt wanna pangsehg u de marhx.
mus understand worhx.
so tat we can be freds 4eva mahx.

So happy tat i noe u guys.
u guys brighten up my days.
from a gurl who is always emo and violence, to who i am today.
A gurl who noe herself would care for others.
a gurl who noe, tat she could be luved.
A gurl who is also afraid of things tat she never noe before.

You guys really helped me.
U guys had pull me back to the path where i was in long ago.
Thx guys! i dunno how to say. but really very thankful to u guys lorhx.
pigpig dear also changed me. ta rang wo dong de shen me shi fu chu he bei ai.
Pigpig dear! luv u so much! <3

Wish everyone could find back themself.
the one who the others likes but not hate.

GUYS IF U HAD READ THIS, DUN HUA YI OKIES.
IT'S MY TRUE FEELINGS. I REALLY THINK TAT U GUYS ARE MY TRUE FREDS.
FREDS 4EVER WORHX.
LUVESS EVERYONE OF U!!!
ESPECIALLY PIGPIG DEAR!!!!!

Tears jus run down of my cheeks suddenly today.
I felt hurt inside deep in my heart.
But i jus dunno where went wrong.
Maybe it jus tat im too tired, or maybe it was jus a feelin tat i'm confuse.

Evweyonw asked wad has happen.
i dunno how i should say it.
my smile has slowly been back.
A person, who has always been at the corner protectin me.
Has shown up. with him im happy.
But i'm not sure. is this true, does this all really belong to me?

Something jus told me, tat i've think too much.
I wish all the happiness and fun i have now.
Could really heal the wound.
im really really confuse. nobody could help me find the answer.
I'm alone searchin for the answer myself.

But soon everythin will have an answer.
No matter wad it is, it will jus be a memory in my heart.
Nth could mess them up anymore.
The bad memories, i shall throw them all away.
To a place tat isn't in my heart.
A place where i could never search them back anymore.

Tears dun stop.
No matter how much u cry, how much tears u have lost.
It still doesn't stop.

Wo yi wei, wo dui ta de ai.
ke yi yong yong yuan yuan de kai xin. yong yuan xin fu.
Dan na shi ge cuo wu.
Yi ge bu dong de zhe me zhen xi yi ge ren de nan ren.
mei you zhi ge qu ai ling wai yi ge ren.
Bu guan ni fu chu le dou shao, dan ru guo ni fu chu de yi que.
Dou shi cuo de, na zhi hui gei dui fang shang tong er bu shi xin fu.

Ni men fa xian le ma?
Yi ge ren, bu guan zai dou mou de yong gan.
Dou xu yao yi ge ren lai bao hu.
Yue shi biao mian jian qiang de nu ren, yue xu yao bao hu.
Ying wei, ta men hai pa shou shang hai.
Biao mian jian qiang de nu ren, yi dan bei shang hai gou.
Ta de shang heng hui sheng guo ta ren.
Ta ye bu hui zai qing yi de xiang xing ren he ren.

Wo chen jing shi ge hen kai lang de ren.
Bu dong chu, chong lai dou bu hui shen qi de yi ge ren.
Dan ying wei bei ta shang de tai shen.
wo de shang kou zai ye bu hui fu yuan.
Shi yi ge yong yuan de shang kou.

Shou yi, wo cai hui guo du de bai hu zi ji.
Mei you ren xiang yao shou shang. Dan ye xu yao yi ge dui de ren lai bao hu.
wo zai ye zhao bu dao zhe ge ren.
wo yi cuo guo le na me zhi you yi chi de ji hui.

Wo ba zi ji de xin fu rang gei le ling yi ge ren.
Er rang zi ji yong yuan de chen zui zai shang heng li.
Hao xi wang, wo neng you ke jiang bang yi kao.
Yi ge yong yuan dou bu hui li kai wo de jian bang.
Wo...hai zhao de dao ta ma?
na ge hui rang wo yong yuan xin fu de ren.

Zhe ge yuan wang, ying gai bu hui shi xian le ba.
Wo gei le bei ren ji hui.. que hu lui le zi ji de ji hui.
Zai ye wan hui bu liao le.

Nth could turn back now.
To the spot where i've given up my chance to another person.
I hope, i hadn't given up tat chance tat day.
Regrets bring even more pain.
Dun ever regret on somethin tat u do.
U wouldnt be able to turn it back once again.

I've alot of fun where ever i go with my fredz.
But, i it feel empty inside?
wad does this means?
everything is jus fake? or are happiness doesn't belong to me?

Now i've been free. The hands have letten go.
I'm no longer trap.
i also dunno why am i so down always.
but i jus can't really feel the happiness tat im havin now.

Somehow i noe, luvers are jus a moment and fredz are forever.
slowly, i've found the important of luv.
But, the type of luv his givin aren't call luv. but hurts.
Everytime seein couple being happy together.
I felt empty and empty even more.

I've cried everynite.
But it's useless, i've tot tears would dry up 1 day.
It seems tat im wrong.
The tears in me, doesn't stop flowing.

Have u ever notice? the tears inside u dun ever stop, until the day u die.
TRue luv, aren't easy to find.
If u are a person who feel happy with ur partner.
Treasure it before it's too late.

You dun take luv for grauted.
TRue luv are hard to find...
Not everyone could find them.

I dunno how i should carry on here.
This isn't my true feelings.
this passage is jus for the ones who doesn't treasure ur luv to read.

My sis, is jus a mirror reflection of me.
The mess im in, she's the same.

Luving a person who doesn't love u.
A person who wouldn't let go of u.
Both are jus the same.

The ppl around me, are gettin hurt.
Jus by the thingys tat is happenin to me.
The thingys which doesn't contain happiness.
The things which no ones understand.

No matter how much u sacrifice for tat person.
He/she, will never repay back to u.
U've only put on sadness to urself.
The sadness which no one could erase.

Dun give hope on something tat wouldn't happen.
Shows are jus a show. tat's acts for the other's to noe.
But in reality those thingys doesn't happen.
But those which have really happen seldom have the real happiness in it.
Fakes are jus fakes, nth could turn it real.

Dun hesitate on it, we should jus let go.
Why does my world fill with sadness.
Why does everything seems inordinary to me.
There's too much question in my heart.

I dun even noe how to sort them out.
Now tat i've given up on everything.
Will everything jus vanish or remain in the same spot where im deeply hurt.
Does anyone really noes how i feels.
I dun think so.

At a age of 14. my heart was deeply hurt.
When are this wounds going to recover.
Until now, i still couldn't think of anything to stop this pains.

I'm not tat cheerful as i look.
Everything is jus a fake.
To me, there are no meanings in the things which i see, heard or feels.

My whole is fills with black and white.
i hope i could let myself out of this cage, this world soon.
As soon as i could never see the next sunrise.

There is nth tat made me so worried before.
After i've met u, my world has change.
Many thingys have happen. Nobody knows how to stop them.
I'm the one who only noe how to stop them.

But now, everything is even much more mess up den before.
I'de wish tat i have magical lyric.
So i can change everything back to where it has started.
To where, we had'nt met, to where we were jus stranger.
All the pain would have stop.

Everything isn't in the place where it should be.
I've lost all the hope tat i had.
My mind went blank, every now and then.
I couldn't sleep, i've forgotted seens when i have start losing sleep.
Every night. The same things repeats.

I cant even get close to my friends.
The barrier which i've put all my effort to remove it, has once again come back.
I can't go on like tat. I've start losing everything tat i having now.
Is there anything tat i can lock all this memorise and lost them.
It's too much pain. Stop showing me the one who isn't u.

I noe, u jus wanted me to leave u without and pain.
But, it's making me suffer more.
This story, never ends.

How many forms can love take out there in this world.
Since we are fortunate enough to exist in this world,
We shall let each others hands go.
You were closer den anyone else, and it made me unsettled.
Nothing have change, i'm gettin weaker.

My health, aren't the same as the time u noe me.
I might jus colapse* jus like tat one of the days.
"Let every eye negotiate for itself.And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch. Against whose charms faith melteth in bloog."

Xin zhi de bao li, ke yi bu liu xue yi qu ren ming.
I really hope this is the last passage about you.
I'm being trap for too long. Now the smile of me jus vanish.
Everything is gone!...

Can i be the one in ur heart?
Everything i wan from u is jus so simple.
But everything u are givin me are pain.
U've say u'll treasure me.

I can't seems to feel it.
I wanna wash away the pain, but... everytime i'm doing tat.
U are the one stoppin me and bringin me more hurt.
The way u treasure someone is totally wrong.

It's full of pain. U dun relise it.
Everytime u ask me. Why am i so down.
HOw am i suppose to tell u.

I think of you when i'm strong, and i noe i can't go on.
I noe tat very well.
I dunno wad i could say to u.
The good times and bad times tat u've given me.
I treasure them. Now, seems tat i have to throw them all away.

When im down u aren't the one who cheer me up.
It's always been someone there protectin me.
But it's isn't u.
I wish with all my hope but still u aren't the one.

Should i get out of ur arms and go to the person who treasure me more den u do?
I wish tat i could do tat.U are the one who wouldn't let go of ur hand.
I can't go anywhere, but trap in the pain which u have given me.
I've sacrifice too much for u.
This should be continuin.

I shouldn't be typing the same story again and again.
I'm tired of it.
Every second, every minute, every moment. i think of u.
Love is something tat is foolish and selfish.
No matter wad, it shouldn't be in the way of wad u are doing now.

I hope after u've read this.
U could let go.
IT's really really at my limits.
The promise i made is being broke by u, i hope u could fix it back.
I hope we will still be friends.

We should erase the pass and live on.
It will be the last goodbye when the day u could let me go.

.


There is jus a fake smile on my face.
After we've left each other, the smile doesn't show up anymore.
A smile can stand for anything.
Sadness or happy.

But from tat day onwards, the real smile doesn't show up with me anymore.
I dun feel happiness, everything i could feel now is sadness.
All the things i ate. Dun taste like how they should taste like.
But all, it taste bitter deep in the heart.

I dunno if i could once again feel the happiness.
Im not even sure when i could really show my true smile again.
My smile lost it's way.
I've lost my way too.

U took my hand and raised me up.
But now, when jus one words tat u say.
Pushhes me down to the end of the well.
Should i continus like this.
Ppl ask me not to give up, but everything tat i am seeing now.
Is all the memory of u and me.
It's all quarrel, fights, and den we dun talk to each other anymore.

Do u really think things should end this way.
I've waited so long.
When u pull me up, i was so happy.
But in the end, u change everything back to where it was.
U put me back to the spot where i suffer of pain of ur luv.

My health is getting worst, i cant take this anymore.
I hope u are the one, who help me find back my smile and myself.
The days for me are difficult now.
Without ur support, i cant live on.
It's not gonna start all over again. Ain't we?

Everything is more mess up now.
I dunno wad im doing, im waiting for u.
All u give me, aren't the things i wan.

Do u really think tat Im so brave? Do u really think the one who ned to be protect is her?
MY heart is smash into thousand pieces.
Im weak, i really ned ur protect and ur accompany every second.
Pls dun leave me alone.
I'll go crazy, pls believe me, trust in me.
The one who really neded protect from u is me.

Everyone makes somebody smile.
My somebody will always be u, u are the onli one who can find back my smile